The Courage To Dream Again

(adapted from a letter to a friend)

Return, Fear, and The Nature of True Dreams.

* * * * *

1. RETURN: Return to whatever dream, if it happened, would fill you up, and make you happy. But really imagine it happening. Is it the work that makes you happy in and of itself, or is it the recognition, the pay-off? What work makes you happy, all by itself? What feels good? If we don’t know what that is, that’s ok. At least we’re opening the door of wonder, to find out.

2. FEAR: We’re afraid to try again because we’re looking at it wrong. Let’s say you starred in your own film, won an Oscar, and I won a Pulitzer for my stuff. Now what? Pressure’s on. Are you a one hit wonder? Am I? There are expectations now. Let’s say we get a few successes, get used to that, but what then? Will it be a lifelong success, or will we fall out of fashion? Become has-beens? Is that less terrifying than being a never-was?

You and I are wrong to think our dreams are broken because our last efforts didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped. There is no finish line, no Destination except this moment; no ending point, except our last breath. Every time we try and hope for something, its always going to be the same risk. Doesn’t matter if the last thing failed or succeeded. The next thing will be just as risky. The same is true for everyone who tries for a dream, at any time at any age.

3. THE NATURE OF TRUE DREAMS: If our dreams are age restrictive, they’re not true dreams. You wanted to be an A-list actor before you were 30, and I wanted my novel to be a best-seller by that time. The reason these dreams weren’t real, is they had a finishline, a delusion disguised as hope that said, “When I hit THIS I’ve made it!

But like the #2 Fear paragraph says, there is no “made it!” No finishline that makes everything great, forever. Success can even increase pressure and fear. So if we still want those same things, if those really are our dreams, we need to change them up in our minds to be True Dreams. A true actor’s dream might be: I’m going to give my all to be the best actor I can be; I will devote the rest of my life to improving my craft to give all that I can.

Who can take that dream away? Who can stop us from doing that at any age? That is a dream independent of circumstance and industry, reliant only upon our Devotion. That is a lifelong mission statement. With that lifelong mission statement, whether failure or success comes, it won’t derail us.

Both success and failure are great at derailing dreamers. Look how many die at the top. Even if success lasted the rest of your life or mine, the fulfillment it brought would leave, unless the work is fulfilling, in and of itself, which takes us back to paragraph #1 RETURN.

That’s why we need to define that True dream, the work that is fulfilling all by itself, and that lifelong mission statement, that is independent of success and failure.

Success and Failure are ripples on a pond. But the True Dream, the Lifelong Mission Statement, is the Pond. We need the pond, not the ripples that come and go.

dream-quotes1

Advertisements

The Hour Of The Changing Light

She teaches me

how fast it all goes,

how to savor This.

Were it not for Her

I may have spent life

not living,

only doing,

fretting and frittering

my fading hours away

in endless to-do’s

and

never

ever

ever

be.

 *

She makes me feel

a soft yet horribly deep sorrow

at the time I’ve lost

within the false state:

Alive, but not recognizing Life! 

The state of unreason

cultures are built upon.

*

She reminds me to honor

in Sacred Devotion and Gratitude

The setting Sun,

sacred in its own right,

and all it represents:

All that Enters and gives Life,

then leaves us alone in Night,

to softly find a way back in,

to lure us into Light again.

*

The cycles of Life,

of Light

of Love,

The cycles of All Creation.

*

All this She Teaches

in Her sensual adieu

To the God of The Golden Orange Light,

whose Emergence and Disappearance

Form the Magic Hour

Where yin and yang kiss,

And become one another,

And the veil between

fades to naught.

*

The realm of opposites join here:

Ra to Luna.

Birth to Death.

Light to Dark.

God to Man,

The hour in which we may

 whisper to Spirits,

And Spirits may whisper

Sacred Truths to us.

 *

She devotes Herself

to Ra’s egress

with all Her Western faces.

Her delicate, graceful fingers,

gently caressing even the last fleeting trace

of precious fading Light.

*

I feel Her yearning, reaching,

even unto the last dying sunbeam.

So glorious, to see a Tree in Prayer!

So glorious to be aware!

So glorious to have Eyes that See,

 if only in shared sunsets,

in which She helps me enter,

The Sacred Awareness.

*

She awakens me

through gentleness

through delicacy,

That I may see with Pure eyes.

*

She lures my Awareness

 into the most subtle aspects of Her Grace

That I may recognize within myself,

all I am drawn to in Her.

In the breath, in the poise, in the fingers,

in the step, in the balance, in the motion,

in the gentleness and the delicacy,

the busy noise of mind can fade

that I may discover

even the to-do’s

are better achieved

When lost in the gentleness and grace of the doing.

*

My Great Teacher,

What greater lesson could be taught,

than how to be Alive in Life?

*

Magic things happen

through the Sacred Awareness,

In the Hour of the Changing Light.

Image

The Dispassionate Observer

(I had written this before the “Somewhere To Go” entry below. 

I decided not to post it when I found my my motivation. 

But I think I found my reason because I had given up searching for it. 

I accepted the place between places, and observed myself within it. 

So I decided to post this in case someone else is in the place 

between places and happens to stumble upon this remote locale

on the edge of Being, where precious few actual readers exist, 

and lone Zengirl tends bar, awaiting the entrance of a stranger 

who either needs a healing word, or who can give one.) 

* * * * * * * * * * *

AWARENESS. 

The Darkness Within

Subtle, Pervasive

The Elusive Obvious

Watch It!

Awareness with no Judgment

No Attachment

No Good

No Bad

I made a little sign

I see often in my day

“How Am I?”

When I see myself

With Unclouded Eyes,

I ask,

Am I serving my intention

Of who I want to Be,

And what I want to Give?

And when I don’t know who I want to be,

or what I want to give,

In moments I feel I’ve outlived

My Reason, My Story,

And Find I’m Still here,

I Just Observe the Being I am

As I am.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Emptiness is more peaceful than The Storm

I feel Grateful for The Nothingness

* * * * * * * * * * *

I observe remnants of a past me

Running on a Familiar

Which no longer has context

The movie feels over

But the camera’s still rolling, expectantly,

And I don’t know what to gun for anymore.

Aware of me Now

With no Judgment

No Attachment

No Good

No Bad

I see me Doing, Being

And through this Dispassionate Observer Within,

I begin to Know, what Mind can only think.

The Answer that comes by Awareness,

Is the Answer.

The answer that comes by thinking

is another false and fleeting lead

that cannot satisfy,

just Mind’s False Promise of a better way,

In a fictional place called Future.

No mission, No horse, No Destination

Yet I still Observe me Doing and Being.

What is your reason? I ask of She,

Who locks Life outside her door,

Only to examine it within her mind.

I ask the One, the Doer, The Be-Her,

Who Does, and Is, Without Motivation

And She says:

I Do for the sake of Doing. 

I Am for the sake of Being. 

And I ask:

What is your pay off?

What motivates?

And She says:

Doing for Doing. 

Being for Being. 

The Truth of pay-off in Future

Is Wilde’s Two Tragedies:

One is not getting what one wants

The other is getting it.

Either Way You Are Not Fed.

So be fed with what is here.

Do what is to be done.

Be as you are.

Stop pondering life,

or you will never live it.

I see the irony of self

In telling myself to stop pondering,

a helpful conclusion,

unearthed,

only after much pondering.

Were I not acquainted with Non-Dualism,

I’d feel all wisdom is insane or one sided.

Thank you Suzuki.

Thank you All Great Teachers

Who make the road possible.

3533_Lone-Joshua-tree-in-the-desert

Thoughts On a Dawn Not Wasted

I wish Mom was alive.

I wish Danny (my little brother) was alive.

I wish it was all sunny.

Things were darker than they needed to be.

I wish we were happier with each other, and with Life.

There is an inner Darkness

I feel I may never escape.

Yet I have escaped

In fiery passions, missions, quests,

The Burning Thing Inside.

And when these quests did not turn out as planned

The Darkness returned

And when Darkness returned,

I could not see, how very, very, very much

each one of those consuming quests had given me.

Each was transformative, and changed my life for the better.

I call upon the permanent gifts of each quest every day.

Lasting Treasures were always found, but not the ones I quested for.

Acceptance, Fame and Fortune in the way I wanted eluded capture

Instead I found only what I most needed, and will always draw from.

Only now, in my morning and my mourning, do I understand, even as I write.

My three many-yeared quests are what delivered me from the Darkness.

I have not wholly acknowledged the arrival of the Fourth, which is:

My Quest For a Mind, in Tune continuously

With the Infinite, Truth, Universe, Spirit, God, YourWordHere.

And this Quest too has delivered me from Darkness,

The Darkness that dwells in my bloodline,

That Darkness that has already taken lives too soon.

And in not wholly acknowledging this Fourth Mission,

I have not allowed its gifts to wholly (holy?) Adrenalize me, Empower me, Illumine me,

And Liberate me From the Darkness Within, as did The Previous Three,

When they had Life.

I see Lifelong that there has ever only, and shall ever only be, Two Directions:

I may run from The Darkness

Or I may run Toward The Light,

And these are very, Very, VERY Different Things,

Only one has worked.

Neither therapist, nor Sage could save my Two Lost.

To stagnate, is to allow the Dark Bloodline to overtake and kill.

What helps me run to the Light, is to See The Light

In my Obsessive Whole-Bodied Imagining of its Realization.

May My Fourth Call, enable the Previous Three

May It Not Be Too Late

May It Be my Raison Detre

May it Be an Endless Effortless Constant Wellspring of Life Motivation.

Ink and Tears on Notebook Lines

May My Ride Be Filled With Signs

May These Be The Words Of Change

May My Target Be In Range

Bless My Quest and Bless This Rider

Bless The Songstress, Bless the Writer,

Bless The Seeker, and the Striver,

May This Mission Be My Driver.

Lord help me be Free At Last 

Break My Chains To Poisoned Past!   

And in the Fourth Quest,

The Horse I get back upon is called

Sadhana.

Freudian slip

As I read aloud

I said

Asana, 

(twice.)

The Yoga mat beckons. Image