The Courage To Dream Again

(adapted from a letter to a friend)

Return, Fear, and The Nature of True Dreams.

* * * * *

1. RETURN: Return to whatever dream, if it happened, would fill you up, and make you happy. But really imagine it happening. Is it the work that makes you happy in and of itself, or is it the recognition, the pay-off? What work makes you happy, all by itself? What feels good? If we don’t know what that is, that’s ok. At least we’re opening the door of wonder, to find out.

2. FEAR: We’re afraid to try again because we’re looking at it wrong. Let’s say you starred in your own film, won an Oscar, and I won a Pulitzer for my stuff. Now what? Pressure’s on. Are you a one hit wonder? Am I? There are expectations now. Let’s say we get a few successes, get used to that, but what then? Will it be a lifelong success, or will we fall out of fashion? Become has-beens? Is that less terrifying than being a never-was?

You and I are wrong to think our dreams are broken because our last efforts didn’t turn out the way we’d hoped. There is no finish line, no Destination except this moment; no ending point, except our last breath. Every time we try and hope for something, its always going to be the same risk. Doesn’t matter if the last thing failed or succeeded. The next thing will be just as risky. The same is true for everyone who tries for a dream, at any time at any age.

3. THE NATURE OF TRUE DREAMS: If our dreams are age restrictive, they’re not true dreams. You wanted to be an A-list actor before you were 30, and I wanted my novel to be a best-seller by that time. The reason these dreams weren’t real, is they had a finishline, a delusion disguised as hope that said, “When I hit THIS I’ve made it!

But like the #2 Fear paragraph says, there is no “made it!” No finishline that makes everything great, forever. Success can even increase pressure and fear. So if we still want those same things, if those really are our dreams, we need to change them up in our minds to be True Dreams. A true actor’s dream might be: I’m going to give my all to be the best actor I can be; I will devote the rest of my life to improving my craft to give all that I can.

Who can take that dream away? Who can stop us from doing that at any age? That is a dream independent of circumstance and industry, reliant only upon our Devotion. That is a lifelong mission statement. With that lifelong mission statement, whether failure or success comes, it won’t derail us.

Both success and failure are great at derailing dreamers. Look how many die at the top. Even if success lasted the rest of your life or mine, the fulfillment it brought would leave, unless the work is fulfilling, in and of itself, which takes us back to paragraph #1 RETURN.

That’s why we need to define that True dream, the work that is fulfilling all by itself, and that lifelong mission statement, that is independent of success and failure.

Success and Failure are ripples on a pond. But the True Dream, the Lifelong Mission Statement, is the Pond. We need the pond, not the ripples that come and go.

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Ancient Tools for The 21st Century Revolution.

If we could balance our human intelligence with intuition, we could solve everything because we wouldn’t be the ones solving.

We would be vessels for the energy that formed the Earth and all life on it.

We’re all just kids who don’t know a lot more than we know, and we’re afraid not to know,

so we hide behind demagoguery, serious faces, grave dispositions,

and social agreements made more for acceptance than inherent belief;  

but we’re only afraid not to know 

because we’re blocking the Knowing the geese know when they fly in formation,

that the flower knows when it blooms,

that the bee knows when it flies thousands of miles to reach a mate,

that the plant knows when it chooses (yes chooses) where to tap the nutrient rich spot of soil without any definable senses we can measure.

We are mostly animal, mineral, and plant cells.

Very little of us is purely human.

But we’ve allowed that little bit to replace Natural Intelligence/Instinct,

and out of harmony with Earth and Universe, we are moving in a direction that

must be balanced for the survival of All. 

Meditation, Nature, Yoga, Contemplation, Gardening, Deep Breathing, Spiritually Alive Literature and/or Prayer . . .

Ancient Tools For The 21st Century Revolution

to Reconnect with The Voice That Guides Without Words.

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The Self-Love Mantra/Mudra

Everything

we

do

touch

think

create

Achieve

in our life

emanates from us.

So whatever it is we need or want

will be come through us best

if we love ourselves more

and doubt ourselves less.

The Self Love Mantra/Mudra

is an audible or silent chant

using the fingers.

Think of the Thumb as “Myself”

for you are the Central Figure

in all that happens in your Life.

The Forefinger,

is

“My Home,”

*

The Second finger,

is

“My Town,”

*

The Third finger,

is

“My Work,” 

*

The Fourth finger 

is

“My Life.” 

*

Put the tip of your forefinger on the tip of your thumb.

Breathe in and think

“I Love Myself,”

Breathe Out and think,

“I Love My Home,” 

Put the tip of your second finger to the tip of your thumb

Breathe in and think,

“I Love Myself,”

Breathe Out and think,

“I Love My Town,”

Put the tip of your third finger to the tip of your thumb

Breathe in and think,

“I Love Myself,”

Breathe out and think,

“I Love My Work,” 

Put the tip of your little finger to the tip of your thumb.

Breathe in and think,

“I Love Myself,”

Breathe Out and think,

“I Love My Life,” 

As you Inhale Deeply,

FILL YOURSELF WITH LOVE

As you Exhale

Feel yourself sharing this love

with the surrounding body of your

home,

town

work

&

life.

These four four-letter words,

encapsulate the entire existence.

Your “work” is not only the work itself

but everyone that work touches and affects.

Even if you don’t like your work

the mantra will either help you see what you love in it

or transport you to work you truly do love.

And “Life” certainly is the Catch-All.

Nothing is excluded.

And if you live in a city

use the word ‘town’ anyway.

It is monosyllabic,

more personal

and keeps the mantra

in perfect rhythm.

In deep still slow-breath meditation

More time and visualization

can be applied to each of the four stages.

In fast meditation

such as a brisk walk,

you can tap your fingers,

and mentally chant

with every footfall.

*

Its a very flexible mantra

and a very powerful one.

Filling yourself with Love

has

Astonishing Impact.

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The Hour Of The Changing Light

She teaches me

how fast it all goes,

how to savor This.

Were it not for Her

I may have spent life

not living,

only doing,

fretting and frittering

my fading hours away

in endless to-do’s

and

never

ever

ever

be.

 *

She makes me feel

a soft yet horribly deep sorrow

at the time I’ve lost

within the false state:

Alive, but not recognizing Life! 

The state of unreason

cultures are built upon.

*

She reminds me to honor

in Sacred Devotion and Gratitude

The setting Sun,

sacred in its own right,

and all it represents:

All that Enters and gives Life,

then leaves us alone in Night,

to softly find a way back in,

to lure us into Light again.

*

The cycles of Life,

of Light

of Love,

The cycles of All Creation.

*

All this She Teaches

in Her sensual adieu

To the God of The Golden Orange Light,

whose Emergence and Disappearance

Form the Magic Hour

Where yin and yang kiss,

And become one another,

And the veil between

fades to naught.

*

The realm of opposites join here:

Ra to Luna.

Birth to Death.

Light to Dark.

God to Man,

The hour in which we may

 whisper to Spirits,

And Spirits may whisper

Sacred Truths to us.

 *

She devotes Herself

to Ra’s egress

with all Her Western faces.

Her delicate, graceful fingers,

gently caressing even the last fleeting trace

of precious fading Light.

*

I feel Her yearning, reaching,

even unto the last dying sunbeam.

So glorious, to see a Tree in Prayer!

So glorious to be aware!

So glorious to have Eyes that See,

 if only in shared sunsets,

in which She helps me enter,

The Sacred Awareness.

*

She awakens me

through gentleness

through delicacy,

That I may see with Pure eyes.

*

She lures my Awareness

 into the most subtle aspects of Her Grace

That I may recognize within myself,

all I am drawn to in Her.

In the breath, in the poise, in the fingers,

in the step, in the balance, in the motion,

in the gentleness and the delicacy,

the busy noise of mind can fade

that I may discover

even the to-do’s

are better achieved

When lost in the gentleness and grace of the doing.

*

My Great Teacher,

What greater lesson could be taught,

than how to be Alive in Life?

*

Magic things happen

through the Sacred Awareness,

In the Hour of the Changing Light.

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* * * b r e a t h e * * * p e a c e * * *

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

i n h a l e  from bottom up

e x h a l e  from top down

Words on bottom for Root,

Words in Center For Heart

Words on top For Mind

Space For Spirit

Three Breaths To Feel Good

Three More To Feel Great

Three More To Feel God

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

I                  (       *      )           E              (     *    )

N                T R U T H        X             P L A Y                     v

H             B E A U T Y                    P R O S P E R I T Y    v

A          L O V E          ^          A                   L O V E                   v

L         H E A L T H   ^            L                     P E A C E                v

E:    R O O T        ^                 E:                        P U R P O S E        v          

                          ^                                                                                 v                                

                       ^                                                                                        v

* * * start inhale* * *   <   <   <   <   <   <   <   <   <  <  <  <  <   <  * * * end exhale* * *

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

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Synchronistic Squirrels, Lovestock, and Bliss.

I like blogging. I don’t know how interesting my explorations are to anyone else, but it is quite a gift to search the soul in writing and be able to declare it to the world, regardless of who may or may not actually read it. I know the Universe has Wi-Fi, and She is glued to every word. That’s enough reason to post!

Sometimes when I write with Universal Guidance in mind, things can happen. A prayer or a wish might get an answer. I believe the same is true for everyone.

In last night’s blog, I asked, what would I be like, if old party girl nature and New Consciousness combined? Today brought an answer to that question.

I woke up, feeling I needed a Sunday. “No work. Just do things you like,” The Voice said.  Its been a while since I’ve allowed that. I walked to the park, and I read Mary Shelley while nestled in the great roots of the best tree there. Earthing: it heals the body, and that’s not just hippie talk.

Sun beams peaked through the leaves on my skin, my bare feet were in the grass, people were happy all around, fit, exercising, dogs playing, kids, and I’m Kindling the Romantic Era, taking a break from Spiritual/Truth/Yoga Literature for the first time in four years. It was great. At a point, I knew it was time to move on. So I got up to take the short stroll back home, for another solitary night, which has become my life since my last break-up. I’ve needed to Cocoon.

But Fate Intervened. As I turn down my street, walking down the sidewalk, a squirrel suddenly comes out from behind the tree I’m right next to, at head level. We are eye to eye, spitting distance apart. I love squirrels. This moment of close communion was special to me. I’ve never been so close. Our stare-down was of considerable duration. He won, but only because . . .

A car turns down my street, slows down, and two guys wave me over and ask, “Hey, are you going to Lovestock?” And I asked, “What’s that?” And they said, oh, its at the Avalon in Hollywood. I said I’d go online and look it up.

So I did, and its a GODSEND! Its HEAVEN ON EARTH! Is an actual place, outside of my head, that is liberal and loving enough for my wildest dreams! I called a cab, and went to Hollywood. I didn’t even change my clothes. I figure if the guys in the car thought I was headed there, I must look the part.

When I arrived I was THRILLED to see it was the diametric opposite of the typical L.A. scener snobbery in clublife.

Outside the Avalon, it was all hippies, a folk music singer in the outdoor sign in area, telling us how to save our drinking water. Lots of face paint, belly dancers, hippies from back in the day, yoga men and women, tribal looks, Burning Man vibe, gay, straight, drag, multiracial, wild, tatts. My cab driver says, “This is like the 1960’s! My Mom dressed like that!”

I am in Heaven. People are happy, and loving, authentic Sadhana practitioners, Consciousness Seekers, Truth Trippers, not a faked vibe to make the scene. This was Authentic.

Inside, there is EVERYTHING. Its the coolest nightclub/dayclub (4pm – 12am) but CONSCIOUS! PRESENT. EVERYONE is THERE! GREAT VIBES! The Beautiful People, the Hey I’m Just Me People, older people, little kids, babies many races, Differently Abled, many Religions, gurus in turbans, people in yoga wear, people dressed as faeries and other fun things!

It was LOVE. People walking with “Free Hugs” signs. I got and gave so many hugs, and I have not been really hugged or even physically touched since my break-up in March. O! Human contact! Muchly needed. But here’s the Truly Beautiful Part:

The event was FREE! No MONEY! No capitalism, no materialism no Ulterior Motive, No Angle. With Free Vegan Food, and GOD, it was GOOD! They had a giant steel or tin Wok, with a big fire, and everyone was hanging out, eating. In the Big Area, they had DJ’s, Live Drummers, Digigeroos, Tibetan Bowls, Gongs, Big Video Screen with Chakra Mandalas, Everyone DANCING LIKE Free Spirited Hippies, GYPSIES. O! YES! YES! PLEASE!

After five minutes inside the place, I told myself, I Never Want To Leave Here. EVER. This was the closest thing to Authentic Human Unity, and Heaven On Earth I’d ever experienced. All As One.

I danced like I’ve never danced, and then the music softens at points, and a healer comes out and guides you to get in touch with your energies, release your pain, connect and embrace your inner child, chakra work, all kind of healing work, everyone doing it all together in the spirit of celebration and dance! Belly Dancers, live musicians, speakers, healers, and the party never stops, the healing within the music.

Upstairs there were Healing Rooms and different healing arts practitioners, and that was the most mystical part of the night. I sat on the floor with another woman, and we meditated together while we were waiting for our respective turns. Everyone was meditating, doing yoga, eating that far out food, which was GOOD, and gave a very healthy natural energy.

There was no meanness. No cruising, no men or women hitting on you like at a nightclub, it was just LOVE. It was PURE. It was INNOCENT. IT was FREE, in every sense of the word. We were all like children.

At the bar, you could order a whole coconut, they it cut open in front of you with a machete and stick a straw in it. They had all sort of healthy drinks. The only commercial thing I saw was Red Bull, but again, I didn’t spent much time at the bar.

People were hugging strangers, saying Namaste, Sat Nam, all my favorite words! There would be pauses in the music, and we’d all do Kundalini Chanting! Sanksrit chants I’m doing at home but now with a huge place full of kindred spirits! Can This Be Real? A world of party people who have awakened? Oh God, Sign Me Up! I’ve been in my shell too long. I didn’t know this existed until today.

The pauses in the music, the collective healing, releasing, daring to Love, O! Its was the most beautiful, transcendent, elevating, healing sensation. A Natural High. Toward the end of the night, the Healer, with Live Tribal Drumming and Digideroo behind him, told us he was going to stop the music, and when he did, he wanted us to mingle, silently, and look closely into the eyes of one another, throughout the room, and stare until you see the Divine spark within the Other, and allow them to do the same with you, and only then move on to another.

This was so amazing. I saw the light in the eyes of so many different kind of humans up close, and the Light was Always The Same! Not a word shared, yet a level of intimacy I haven’t  felt face to face in so very long, and it was again, and again, with so many strangers, and so many different types of people, all as One: Gay, Straight, Black White, Normal, Wild, Guru, Punk Rocker, Men, Women, Undecided, Perfect Muscle Bound Specimens of Humanity, people who may have never exercised a day in their life, Differently Abled People, Exceptionally Abled People (you should have seen the Yogi Hula Hoop Woman with her Chakra Light Hoops, Balancing, Spinning, never missing a beat!)
Senior Citizens, Little kids and babies, skinny people, not so skinny people, people of all kinds with one thing in common: all smiling, with Light in their Eyes. God it was BEAUTIFUL!!!

With the silent eye to eye staring, there was a little nervousness at first, but then you see something in the eyes, and this smile breaks out, even a laugh of joy breaks out with both of you, and a very authentic mutually desired hug follows, not the stiff formality type of hug. The kind of hug you’ve only ever given someone you really love, but by the end of the Night, We Were All Love. Love can be so much BROADER than what we’ve restricted it to. Not sex, nothing like that. Just LOVE.

I’ve had friends for years, that I haven’t had a moment this intimate with, and tonight, I had 20 or 30 moments like this, maybe more. I was too blissful to count. So many hugs, gazing into one another’s eyes until we saw the Divine within. We were all sweating, but nobody cared. It was just Beautiful. Why can’t the whole world be like this?

My one on one with the Reiki Healer was Sacred. When I was finally allowed into the healing room, it was booked, but no pushing or impatience, the whole place was MEDITATIVE LOVE, PEACE AND JOY.  I was meditating with another woman, while we waited for our turn. It was nice to meditate with her. Then other people took our lead and joined us. I was #17 on the list, (which is a number that means big new beginnings for me) and the healer I was waiting for took her time with each healing. So after finally getting into the Healing Room, I was prepared to wait for hours. I was at peace. There was nowhere else on Earth I’d rather be. The Energy in there, the Love, was Amazing.

This healer had a very strong presence. She is very Whole Bodied and Physical with her Reiki. She is fit, long dreads, beautiful skin, and spiritual eyes shining with light. When she finished with her patient, she looked to me, but I told her I was pretty far down on her list. She said, ‘You’re here, now.’

There were a lot of Healers in that room. She was the first one you saw when you walked in. The moment I saw her, I knew she was the one. The moment she saw me, she wanted to jump me ahead in line. It was that kind of place, that kind of energy, those connections we don’t have explanations for yet. Her energy, her work, I still feel it working in me. She’s the real thing.

I felt happy before I came to her, but after this healing, I was in a different place. A good place. Sometimes around lots of people (especially these days without a cocktail) I can get nervous. But that nervousness was entirely gone now, and I flowed better with people; nothing terribly dramatic, people were already kind, just a greater sense of openness and kindness and flow. More smiles.

Then it was back into the main room and the magic already aforementioned, but at this point it felt MORE magic, because her healing delivered me into a new energy, a new Openness, a new Consciousness.

What I liked best was the Unity. All kinds of people, music, everyone as One: children, older hippies who may well have been at the original Woodstock, people in all kinds of bodies, no barriers, all Love.

In the food line, people talking, sharing names: “Isn’t this amazing?” “I’ve never experienced anything like this!” “It gives you hope for the whole world.” Collective meditations and energy sends to Syria, to our leaders, to anywhere in the world that needs healing. We were in the vortex. It was a High Consciousness, and every face reflected happiness, openness, and non-judgment. Every face was Love.

There was a wall, where you could write a wish for the world on a piece of chakra red paper, and put it into a slot. I made three wishes: Unity, The End Of All Prejudice. and The Compassionate Distribution Of Wealth: No one On Earth Without A Home or Going Hungry, Ever Again.

It felt so good to make those wishes, especially the last one. Its the thing that gets my heart the most. Were I to win the Lottery, this is where my money would go.

We chanted, we danced, we sang, we prayed, we healed, we shared a meal, and it was ALL FREE. So much MONEY in this event at the Avalon, ASTONISHING sound and video system, amazing food. Gurus in turbans, Healers giving their gifts away, everyone was a volunteer. They didn’t want anything in return. They just wanted you to be happy. Really. No catch. It really is the most beautiful thing. The world can seem so harsh, so unloving, so mercenary. And that world felt a million miles away and a million years ago, compared to the world in Consciousness on this Night.

There’s more info at lovestockfestival.com

The site doesn’t really capture the experience. The singer with the violin was just amazing, with dance music and tribal drumming driving. Everything from tribal, techno, to real hand drumming, digideroo, Tina Turner, Cream, man, they had everything cool, from the Stone Age, to the 60’s to the Future. I think they even played something from the 1920’s, and it all blended as one, just like the people.

So in my last blog I asked, what would it look like if ZenGirl and PartyGirl became two sides of one coin? And today the Universe sent two messengers in a car, on my very short walk home, to tell me about Lovestock.

And had the special synchronistic staring squirrel (ha!) not delayed me, would I have intersected with those two messengers?

If I had gotten up from my tree at the park one minute sooner or later, would I have missed the most beautiful collective human experience I’ve known?

It wasn’t a just a great night. Its a Life Changer. Knowing there are other Souls who See past this mercenary culture’s lies of division, Greater Than, Less Than, has left me unable to view the world in quite the same way ever again, and I would not be surprised if the same is true for everyone I shared Love and Consciousness with tonight. People were in Bliss, and moved to Tears. I don’t believe any of us will forget this night. I know I won’t.

I Know Now True Unity Exists Because I Have Experienced It. Its not a fantasy, or an unrealistic Ideal. I was There, and I cannot Un-Experience It. I feel the Universe gave me a Guided Experience today that will change my world view for the better, and I am Grateful. I don’t want to be cynical. I want to be Love.

Sometimes when I write with Universal Guidance in mind, things can happen. A prayer or a wish might get an answer. I believe the same is true for everyone.

Try it. What will your messengers bring you?

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Somewhere To Go

If I had succeeded

In the Creative Passions & Pursuits

I’ve poured my heart into

and years into,

I would have continued

Striving, trying

to give something else

Good, Useful, Edifying,

Something worth another’s Time.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The success I sought,

if Attained,

would not have been a finish line.

Why on Earth did I let Failure become one?

* * * * * * * * * * *

Some time ago, I opened a door to I-Ching,

and it opened a door in me.

I was guided to words that became a part of me:

“It furthers one to have somewhere to go.”

The Power and Aliveness of this 5000 year old Truth

revealed a bit more of itself during:

I’m-just-going-to-watch-this-beautiful-summer-sky-and-breathe meditation.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I love looking UP on days like today.

I never get bored.

Sky meditation is a Somewhere-To-Go that Furthers

It awakens The Authentic Happiness,

that isn’t based on something ‘happening.’

* * * * * * * * * * * *

When I first read the I Ching wisdom,

I thought the Somewhere To Go

Must be an Impassioned Life-Mission

A Protracted investment of Time and Attention

Today the Sky helped me see a broader interpretation:

* * * * * * * * * * *

Every moment, every action,

Even contemplating a cloud,

Can be a Somewhere To Go that Furthers.

When I am fully invested in the Present

be it a Task, a time of Relaxation, Play, or Creation,

I am in my Sacred Somewhere To Go.

When I’m all in, there is no self

and that is Liberation.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Buddha’s wisdom teaches, “No self, no problem.”

The Somewhere To Go is The Way

To No Self

No Problem.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Even if my Somewhere To Go is Nothingness,

In my Nothingness,

I am in my Somewhere To Go

Out of Self,

Out of Self’s Growing Story,

Out of Self’s need to drag its heavy past

Into every New Fresh experience

*********

So Somewhere To Go offers Liberation from Self.

Liberation from Self offers Liberation

from Attachment to Success or Failure.

Liberation from Attachment to Success or Failure

Liberates the Artist from the Influence,

Of These Two Non-Finish lines

Which consciously or unconsciously affect

The Creativity of all Artists

Not-Free of Attachment.

* * * * * * * * * * *

NOW,

Work may be pursued in the purity

of non-attachment,

In the Earnestness and Openness

Of the Beginner’s Mind.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Creativity may still Stir Us Up,

Drive us Mad,

Thrill us to Unreason!

Clear calm water

May suddenly Storm!

* * * * * * * * * * *

All the more reason to be free

of the unnecessary, non-contributory,

hindering turmoil, in

Egoic Attachment to Success or Failure.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Neither is a destination

Each is only a Step

On an Artist’s Journey.

Of Infinite Footfalls.

* * * * * * * * * * *

In non-attachment

We reconnect

With Our Pure Creator Within,

and have no more expectations,

than we did in pre-school finger painting

as the artist we were at four years old

As The Pure Beginner’s Mind.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Doesn’t that sound Beautiful and Free?

That is the Feeling of

The Somewhere To Go

That Furthers One.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Whether it is Success Or Failure

that my Creation finds,

I am Furthered

When I am All In,

When Self Is Lost,

When Creating is All.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I am not there

When I am in my Somewhere To Go

I Am My Somewhere To Go

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