Midnight Voyage

(Caution: Reading Such Endless Self Indulgence May Result In Death.)

Midnight Thoughts

Arrive With Messages




Pieces Of My Soul Puzzle.

Soul is Whole, 

It is My Understanding

That Grows Less Fragmented.

My Inner Body is Comforted in Meditation, Mantras, Play, and Love.

My Outer Body, is comforted by Exercise, Yoga, Bathing, Nourishment, and Rest.

My Surrounding Body is Comforted by Security and Order.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yogi Bhajan says, The Strength That Supports You, Is the Spirit Within You. 

If You Don’t Let The Spirit Play, You Will Not Have The Strength To Win. 

So I can do everything Right, and be Calm,

And this is Good, Yet

Where is my Spirit’s play?!

I feel I am doing Good Things,

But where is my Play today? And Where is my Love?

I don’t feel Serious, in that too grown up way.

I don’t feel depressed, and never really do anymore.

Yet where is the Fun, the Joie D’vivre?!

The Adventure?

The Spark, that Scintillates?

And O! Wherefore art thou, My Raison D’etre? My Long Lost Invigorator!

How ENLIVENING is the Mission!!!

Years since I’ve Known My Purpose, My Reason.

Before these years, my Soul was on Fire!

* * * * * * * * * * *


I simply Better My Being and Better My Doing.

Only Good Can Come Of this.

Yet For What Purpose?

The Voice That Guides says,

The Purpose is simply to cultivate

Better Being and Better Doing. 

These are gifts.  

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yes they are gifts,

But they don’t Light My Fire.

It is Good, but it doesn’t turn me on.

This does not mean I am not Grateful.

I am Grateful for every moment I am not suffering.

This is a wonderful teaching of The Buddha.

Remembering this, opens Joy a bit more.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yet I am quite an Alive Fun Person,

When I Know What I Am For.

I miss that person.

She got hurt.

She let it stop her.

She began to descend,

And when she could no longer descend,

She began to Rise UP!

She found Truth, and Yoga, and Meditation, and The Magic of This!

And her Life Reformation Steadily Ascended.

Now, more of a Doer than a Dabbler,

Her Progress Quickens,

And this is all well and good.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Yet what of You, Enthusiasm?

And what of You, Passion?

And what of, Bounding Out of Bed with Zeal each day?

Looking Forward To the Fun, Forwarding Thing?

Am I To Lose These Aspects Forevermore?

* * * * * * * * * * *

I Know I Am Capable

Of Allowing Passion To Possess Me,

And Drive Me, Perhaps Madly,

To The Dream-Most-Wanted.

It is the Truth of Most of My Life. 

* * * * * * * * * * *

But what happens when the Wild Child becomes Sensible?

The Cards point to a Union Of Opposite Energies.

What does that look like?

I know the Truth: Day Needs Night. Right Needs Left. Up Needs Down.

The World of Form Is the Realm of Opposites.

But Once the Wild Child Steps Into The Light,

How to open that door to Shadow Again,

and not be Devoured From Within and left Hollow again?

Yet too, how to Continue To Live in Light Alone,

And not feel the Thrill anymore?

* * * * * * * * * * *

I Create Madly, when I Wholly Create,

and Life Gets A Little Weird.

More than a little.

It doesn’t need to be this way.

Picasso proves it.

But in me, it has never been Contained.

I have never created as Pollock, Shelley, Mozart, or Beethoven,

But I’ve shared the same Lunar lunacy,


Wishing it was not so,

Because outside the Creative Process,

Life can be Torn Apart.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Follow the Taurus Sun,

My Guru guides.

I am Trying, K,

Yet I Am Of The Moon,

So May I Try Both?

Quitting the Night, cold turkey,

May Do Me In.

* * * * * * * * * * *

And what would She of the Sun AND the Moon Look Like?

What does She Do?

What Turns Her On?

How does she Travel

in Her Day AND Her Night?

Does she even know who she is these days,

in this life of applying herself to Good alone each day?

Does it matter?

Must there be a Self at all?

Wouldn’t it be easier if Self was lost,

And Life Flowed Through,

Pure, without the Obstruction,

and the Pettiness

and the Ridiculousness of a “me?”

Does the waterdrop in a flowing River,

Need an identity of its own?

Yet the drop is.

And The River is.

Non-Dualism .  .  .

So ‘me’ and ‘not me’,


Got it.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Spiritually I’m at a place where past passions seem pointless,

but am I now just viewing them from the other side of the coin?

Was there merit in the Shadow?

Can I see it from the Light?

In Light Alone, Calm has Increased,

Passion has dwindled.

Am I cool with this?

* * * * * * * * * * *

What has always Moved Me To Persevere

Passionately, Effortlessly, Joyfully, Enthusiastically,

Is the Navigational Star,

The Light I Captain My Ship By,

Illumining My Constant Direction.

O Starlight! Star Bright!

First Star I See Tonight,

I wish I May, I wish I Might

Have the Wish I Wish Tonight . . .

***closing eyes***

May My Navigational Star,

My Once Guide and Companion,

My Once Mover and Motivator,

Come Back To Me

Because I Want To Set Sail Again

I Need The Somewhere-To-Go

And I Need The Light To Voyage By.

With Every Mission,

I’ve always had a Destination in Mind

That Thrilled Me,

More than Anything In The World,

That Thing I Couldn’t NOT Be!

That Thing I Couldn’t NOT Do!


Show Me.

As My Soulmate Before Me,

I Now Pray For Passion,

For This has Always Led

To A Fascinating Quest,

With Fantastical Discoveries,

Even though they were never

The Discoveries Quested For.

What is this Mission Now?

The Day Has Been So Very Long.

Let’s Sail At Night,

Swim To The Moon,

Have One More,

Dark, Wild, Ride!

For I am Too Young At Heart

To Grow Old.

But I Am Earnest and Willing

To Grow Wise.

And the Voice-That-Guides Interjects:

Has it  occurred to you that now may not be the time to Voyage?

That now is the time for you to Face Your Loss, 

Accept It, Deal With it, Embrace Your Pain, And Stop Running From It?

The Mission Will Come When The Mission Comes, 

When You Build Strength and Fully Restore.

And When It Comes It Will Be For One Purpose: 

To Run Toward Your Light, Not From your Life.

You’ve had CoLOSSal Life Change,

And You Need To Face It, Accept It, Own It, Heal up, And Rise Above It.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Aye, I Hear You Voice-That-Guides-Who-Speaks-In-IItalics . . . .

So no cool boat trip?

***********(heavy sigh)***********

Not what I wanted to hear, though I thank You For Your Wisdom.

It is always Right, Always Best, And Saves Me Time And Again.

Yet Until Such Time as I May Voyage . . . .

Might I Dream Untimely Needs?

The Loss Is Great, and My Heart Bleeds

It Gives me Power To Recall

That Time In Life When Gain Was All

Rising Up, So Fast And Strong

A Rocketship Inside A Song,

Inside A Word, A Higher Me

Who Shattered Past, And I Broke Free

Sailing By My Starlight Guide

The Lower Self Completely Died

And When I Reached The Other Shore

In Every Way I Became More

For all those Years Lost In The Dark

Once Conquered, Strengthen Flesh and Heart!

Let This Be My Truth Again

That I May Voyage And I’ll Win

Back The Life That I Once Won

I’ll Sail By Moon, I’ll Sail By Sun

With Guiding Star as My True Friend,

I’ll Never Lose Myself Again.



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